Awake in Every Moment
With Pema Chödrön
Session One: Allow Yourself to Be Just as You Are
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Group Discussion
What inspired you in this session? What questions came up for you?
Leave Your Comment Below
Acceptance without recriminations sounds so easy but the ego does not like it,thank you.
Love the notion of “unconditional friendship”. Also appreciated the candidness that it takes time to become your own best friend and truly love yourself. The layers a reminder to be patient and just allow the shift to happen. as it happens.
Allow the heart to speak, listen to it and everything around you is so agitated, and you just keep silence and observe. it is not easy, but so much precious when you manage. thank you for sharing such important points.
Thank you for this teaching. It has been a long road for me too and the allowing of each part of my experience is both a practice and a sweet freedom to move from isolation into community.
To allow sometimes is the most difficult thing to do because It demands of us to be with us and sometimes we would not want to stay with ourselves because we don’t like what we see.
Thank you for the tidbit for today.
Gosh I feel so far away from this acceptance.
What on earth does this mean.
So much of what we do is not conscious.
The quick anger hurt or unskillful word.
The lazy jump into television land or computer world.
Did I consciously decide to do that?
No. but yes.
This is what I must accept.
It’s such a difficult thing to achieve for me even though I know I need to practice this on a daily basis .To accept my habits that are not helpful requires really a lot of self – compassion …I am trying because I need to learn to put myself first and say it’s ok.The comments help me realise I am not alone in my struggles of self acceptance and that is very helpful…Thank you..
7 years post divorce and three years in a relationship, the old patterns of anger and conflict arise again. In moments of rage, how can I find the space? The allowing? I am so tired of the cycles I continue to perpetuate. I sometimes want to disappear…erase my tiresome habits by giving up on myself. Yet….when I listen to Pema’s wisdom I remember that a fresh start is possible…all is allowed and then space and openness starts happening. The story can have spaces. It doesnt have to condemn me. Forgive and start again and again.
I know what you mean – I’m 9 years post divorce and 7 years into a happy relationship, but still can’t get over the anger I feel towards the ex-husband. I know that the key is forgiveness, but how do I forgive domestic abuse? The only way I can think of is to pity him for thinking that was acceptable, and pity him for the suffering he must be going through to carry out such psychological projection.
Yes thank you…simple yet so hard to live!
Allowing seems so pivotal, and I notice that there is a chorus of concurrence in some therapeutic approaches which harness the benefts of the eastern contemplative practises as they intersect with western therapy and psychology. Ani Pema for me, embraces the wisdom tradition and imparts with such congruence, she emantes the lightness, humour and the kindness that she espouses, one can recieve with ease – and not to stay in the comfort zone!- thank-you
Thanks for the reminder of the RAIN model, Joanna. I’m struggling to figure out what lies between condoning and criticizing. How to allow without saying, “That behavior is ok to continue,” OR “That behavior is wrong or bad,” especially if it is self-destructive.
Allowing myself to accept myself just as I am in the moment is very hard for me. I am working on it, though.
I’m thinking about two other folks that would be a complete compliment to what Pema said. Dr. Kristin Neff and Eckhardt Tolle. What Pema shared was an encouragement to me to live in the present moment, with self-compassion.
I Love Pema and her books and videos of which I have many. A free course was like a miracle.
Totally agree but how do I do that… that’s the hard part
Allowing is so generic! I can allow what is going on with me… then I judge it…. it’s good, it’s bad, it’s uncomfortable, it’s pleasurable, itc.
Maybe discern instead of judge. Discern uncomfortable or pleasurable or investigate to see what is going on after allowing. RAIN—RECOGNIZE, ALLOW, INVESTIGATE, NURTURE OR NON-IDENTITY.
I love Pema.
love the admonition of just being ok with where you are yourself what your experiencing. It’s all,ok.
It is nice to hear these words. I can take them with me each day which helps remind me to be aware and just be. Thanks for sharing. There is power in togetherness.
So simple yet so profound and deep as we let go of layers and layers of self judgement/should/ what if’s/ expectations/ conditioning/ habits etc.
“Awakened energy.” A fine insight. An uplifting designation to dignify what otherwise would be discarded or belittled. Oh! So accept and allow it. All. What a revelation. A relief. This gentle direction can lead us to celebrate ourselves, not to diminish. To value, not to blame. Think I’ll try it……..
I love this reminder of, our essential nature is just as it should be. And what we become aware of in any moment, welcome it. Sit with it and let it come and let it go. So beautiful. Simple. Yet, sometimes so hard.
It is such a gift to self to accept one’s self completely, whatever is going on. Simply, allowing…
Thank you Pema for your amazing gifts of inspiration and wisdom.
This came true for me when I was doing yoga in a class and had not done it since my injuries.
Prior to them I was very capable of doing most any exercise .
The allowing … myself to not deny my limitations and facing them was painful , yet very important.
Wow, accepting me where I am, becoming a friend to me in this point in my life with no judgments is deep. I can see it taking years to get to a point of realization. Does it remain? Or is it like an onion that takes on new levels and challenges? Do we ever get “there”? Pema’s words brings me peace to my practice. Like a mentor who simply says, it’s okay. Thank you.
There is no “there” there. All we have is “here and now.”
Thank you for your wisdom and insight.
Love the just let yourself be no judging let my emotions be yes letting all emotions just be ok. Most important nessage i got out of this. Looking forward to second.
Thankyou pena
I need all the inspiration I can get as I learn to deal with my Husband who has early onset dementia. I get so hurt sometimes but I know it’s the disease. I will allow to feel these emotions and perhaps learn more not to act on them. Thank you
I’m there with you sister, having some or the same challenges ❤️
Pema is my original teacher and inspiration for learning about Buddhist ideas and our human challenges. So grateful to have picked up Start Where You Are over 20 years ago. Finally I am finding the discipline to sit and practice. What a gift!
I Prefer Women Teachers Because they are far more Humble than Male Teachers: They don’t stand in front an don’t Yell from rooftops, they whisper! And to me: Real Insight comes to the sensative and Humble souls! That’s why i like her Books!
Right away I realized that condoning or criticizing is a trap. I was inspired by “Allow, allow, allow.” Very grateful for being able to participate in this teaching.
Unconditional Friendliness!!! I can do that!
Allowing is a deep component resonating in my life.
Over the last fews years I have tended to start my morning meditations with an allowing pray.
I’m grateful to be resonating with this teaching.
To be reminded that it is all parts of myself needing my friendship.
This morning my 20 something self arose, out of a long ago memory, of rape. I felt a soft unfreezing of the relationship in the narrative of that memory. I felt and welcomed that younger part of me in a new way, while forgiving and releasing all involved.
I believe I will have to repeat this new way of allowing, welcoming and forgiving. But nothing is hidden in my body. It has been befriended and welcomed home . I am traveling light.er now.
This video came at the most appropriate time. Thank Pema
From my heart to yours
Diana
Diana, I’m sorry for your painful experience, and thank you for sharing. Your prayer resonated with me, and I’m going to experiement with it in my practice.
Sharon
Hi Sharon, Thank You for your kind words. I’m deeply grateful to have this practice. I wish you well with yours. It has given me much Peace.
I’m looking forward to #2 but it does not come. Please send
My first book given to me in 2008 was very small but hugh in impact by Pema. Every book I have read since has the same hugh impact. Two days ago I was led to her book Taking The Leap, re sherpa was instrumental to my growth. For me having her books close is like having her near me. Her presence is remarkable.
Have been reading and listening to Pema since 2005, which has been deeply helpful in becoming more compassionate and kind. I’m looking forward to learning more. Thank you so much.
Thank you. It feels like the right place to start; observing the judge on my shoulder and just letting it fade into ok. I can imagine this is where happiness and love begin.
Very nice just bit too short . Yet cannot afford zoo sign up for entire course at this time. Thank you
This was so very timely for me as I found myself wrestling with “my stuff” the last couple of days. What I learned from Pema is I could just let all these juicy emotions to just be. Don’t judge them. Don’t dance with them and not push them away. Thank You!
Simply, thank you. For shining light and wisdom which went straight to the heart.
I just love Pema sche is a gift for me thankyou sister
Allowing for that part of me that is not so “nice” or the part that creates uncomfortable feeling when I encounter someone I just do not like. I never treat that person with disrespect but rather I judge myself as harsh or judgemental. I think of that person as a teacher for me , based on other things you have said. And just allowing that part of myself to be spacious around my experience diffuses the emotional turmoil and story that otherwise would drag me down. Thank you!
I love the way Pema will take a concept, such as allowing, and explore it fully to the point of really uncovering the base meaning, the essence of the concept. It then strips away the ‘ideas’ and leaves the simplicity of the concept, making it simpler to understand and practice. thanks Pema…
Pema I have a lot of trouble trusting or believing
In “words” I like the thought that Buddha’s words
Were empty ness and silence!
This brief sip of the dharma is a simple yet profound teaching that bears endless repeating (for me, at least). This was so helpful to hear this morning as I begin my morning sitting.
Ani Pema, deepest thanks for this and all that you do to encourage our collective awakening. Much love 🙏
Good morning Pema.
I have been a life long suffer’r of anxiety. When I
was a kid my mother used to call me a “worry wart”. That
was another lifetime ago. About 8 years ago my wife &
anchor died of a stroke and a friend asked me if I would be interested in attending a Tibetan Buddhist meeting
with him which I did! I’m now a practicing member of
This Center and have made it my second home. But
extreme anxiety is still lurking in the shadows of my
mind & thoughts. I have come too realize that I don’t
trust words!!
I became best friends with myself years ago but like the term developing a friendship which makes it go deeper.
I’m friend with myself, I’m a positive person, unfortunately it seems that bothers people around me which I try to ignore, because after all I’m my best friend and I’m happy with me. I meditate almost everyday and encourage others to do it, but I don’t impose. I loved this reflections from day 1.
I am aware that I am angry, and sad, and hopeless, and defeated in the moment. But awareness doesn’t change the pattern, it doesn’t change or shift anything. Sitting there being aware of it and being with it and in it for me, just intensifies it and even when I allow it to intensify and then run it’s course, it still
Comes back. I still feel those feelings all the time.
Awareness is just that. It Doesn’t mean change happens. So what do you do to actually change the neurological patterns in the brain?
I am very grateful for this important reminder to allow all what I feel, experience…at the moment I am experiencing, feeling a lot of fear, my own health situation, global fear…. and the resistance to allow to feel it…. to fight against…what of course makes it feel bigger, harder…in my body. So thank you for this simple and deepest reminder to allow and be with… love.
Thank You….this provides the substance for my next Dharma talk at my Temple
I ‘m aware that I resist acceptance and it just came to me that allowing would make it it a little easier. I just have to re-member- who -I Am.
I have been diverging onto less travelled paths for 70 yrs (now 73) I’ve taken on traveling garments during stops along the way – seeking an elusive “truth” … lesson 1 reveals that I’ve had a conditional friendship with myself – filled with “I need to know more, experience more – as moments have been spent in the seeking rather than the being. Words from this lesson – allow, accept, awaken to my “now” manifestation – I have participated in Stillness Meditation with Benedictines. I told Father George that I “bristled” about changes in the organization for the Stillness Retreat – he answered, then you are a bristler now and I laughed. It is true that allowing myself to be…takes years – I will meditate on the wisdoms of my dysfunctions LOL Namaste
Who am I?Who is going to allow? Just observe!
I love when I hear the Universe speak to me. I am going thru hormonal changes and not having that pep in my step, smile ear to ear – self and I’ve felt terrible for it. This mini course, the first 4 minute video was such confirmation for me to relax and stop being so hard on myself. Timing couldn’t have been better!!! Thank u and I look forward to the lessons. Namaste🙏
I like the term unconditional friendliness. I have had that experience before though I called it loving myself. I usually have that experience after a struggle of some kind, and the only relief that comes is that moment when I allow myself to be. It’s like a deep embrace from the divine. Unconditional friendliness. Just the words bring back the feeling. There is a relaxing of the tension that I hold. I also hear the wisdom of without condemning , without condoning. I appreciate these new word combinations. Thank you for putting them together. I welcome continued exploration with these profound and soothing tools.
The concept of unconditional acceptance of oneself is a very powerful concept. I was raised as a Christian. Self-beating is the norm. It is very tiring to beat oneself all the time. Life becomes very miserable.
Me too. It’s hard to get out of the habit of criticizing yourself for not being perfect.
This means everything is inherently okay with me right here, right now. I resonated with neither criticizing or condoning it and with cultivating an unconditional friendliness with oneself.
I always need to remind myself that what I’m feeling in the present moment is in itself a teacher telling me it’s ok. It is what it is. I don’t need to change anything but to sit in self compassion and therefore self discovery. Just doing that makes me grateful of just being alive.
As someone in a dying relationship I have prolonged because of guilt and feeling like I owe them for their loyalty, this is refreshing and encouraging to hear.
I do wonder after hearing this: is it bad if I want to overcome my laziness and go for a run or to the gym? When I’m truly pooped I let myself lounge but sometimes I see being Stoic as the answer, and focusing on self improvement when I’m feeling blah. I want to ask how to find the line between indulging bad habits and accepting them, but I already get the feeling that that’s one of “the path is the journey” kind of things. I will still lean towards discipline for now.
Dear Pema,
This is very helpful. I am being treated for trauma from abuse in my childhood. Together with the suggestions they are making, these ideas really resonate. My lifelong problem (I’m in my late 50’s) has been a lack of self-acceptance. Pushing thoughts and feelings down has turned them into what feels like insoluble blocks to ever feeling ok. I have begun to see this doesn’t have to the case.
Thank you.
Last night I had a session with a new and lovely new freind . I was Helping her deal with her negative voices that rule her life. Helping her to feel enough and and have a friendly kindness to herself. Then this morning i opened this. Thank you ..I have to be more of a freind to myself and not hate the part that has to use a stick to walk..that hobbles slowly and makes others wait. I allow it . it is a sit is and it is powerful. you are a wonderful teacher.
I am grateful for this teaching. I do need more help though. I wish she could give some examples, stories or antidote to make it come to life. I understand the idea of allowing intellectually, but not so much in my body. This is not meant as criticism, just a request. Thank you.
Dear Pema thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, this very powerful work. When *Truth* is spoken it resonates so deeply and yes! it is not easy. Right now learning how to remember is the guidance needed for me!
Dear Pema thank you so much for sharing your wisdom, this very powerful work. When *Truth* is spoken it resonates so deeply and yes! it is not easy. Right now learning how to remember is the guidance needed for me!
Allowing for me helps support buying into all of it all the time 100%. It is not easy but when I am fully in it I am so great full as there is for me great joy in knowing that I am all Good. Thank you for offering this mini session. I love listening to your beautiful voice speaking truth. 🙏
I do not have a website my business is listed in FB
YOGA WITH BALANCE
Dearest Pema namaste.
I understand your profound teaching and can see the value of it while I am trying my best to apply it to my life in this very moment, which is rather chaotic.
I have a question, if I may.
Life is manifesting to me recently where I am faced with a new challenge, that of analyzing myself and trying to modify my personality for the best.
I feel a tremendous block to this work, it is the Dragon of Doubt who bi me in the neck and does not let go, I have lost my self-belief as well as the belief in myself. The result is utter confusion.
What do you suggest, please?
You can reach me directly at 1bodhivata@gmail.com
Thank you immensely, you have been of great help to me in the past, my hope is that you may have 5 minutes to my current quest.
Much Metta love,
Bodhi
we can fake so many things, but if we truly fallow the instruction that Anila is giving, then we know why it is hard to do it.
To accept who we are, the way we are. We see our expectations of who we think should be. The expectation of who others should be…
Then by practicing regularly, we build the honesty that can see and we won’t be able to fake anything. We are who we are sometimes painful to see and sometimes not.
How do you recognize wisdom?
Thank you Pema. To allow myself to be who I am is such a good reminder and sooo not easy. I just love your teachings and your spirit. I wish I could meet you in person. I´m living in Germany
Beautiful simple reminder
Wonderful reminder to just “allow” myself and others to be in whatever space they are in in that moment without judgement, evaluation, self-criticism and all of the rest. I also loved the reminder that the wisdom is right there – right there within the dysfunction and that I cannot and will not find it elsewhere. Very comforting and a great reminder for my own students.
Thank you
Thank you so much, Ani Pema. This is a powerful teaching. It can seem so hard to just allow: to move beyond wanting to exorcise the ugly, difficult parts of myself, while clinging feverishly to what I perceive as my “better: qualities – both extremes are exhausting and stuck — and even this I can allow. I want to befriend myself.
Thank you for these reminders of nurturing an unconditional friendship with our totality…..Love this <3 <3
Very profound and beautiful message. The inner judge is the biggest illusion on the way to freedom.
Thank you! 🙏
Thank you so much for this snippet of wisdom Pema.
My inner judge has a very hard time with this befriending because it makes her smaller every time i do make friends with the judgement she makes about situations and persons. It is a struggle with that judge but it getting easier as i become better friends with her aswell 🙂
Hm… seems like travelling to a place I never visited. Even feels like a destination where there’s a danger of infection. 🤔 And at the same time it is that one place I would love to go to, spend some time…
Immediately, as Ani Pema said, there’s some situations, or rather some of my ‘states’ (being angry at my daughter for instance) that seem impossible to allow… Not right, criminally bad to even think of allowing that to be just as it is right now… To see my wholeness in this monstrous forms of me…
Hm, interesting… 😊
Mettā! 🙏🏻
Thank You for this opportunity to practice loving my “donkey” self. Acceptance and faith in the awakening peace of practice .
thank you unconditional friendship with yourself just allow myself to be who I am now allow how I am manifesting right now words have meaning the more I listen, the deeper I am drawn into the meaning thank you
So beautiful instructions and so compassionately given to us in a voice that we can all trust. Thank you so much Pema Chodron!
How is allowing different from accepting or are they the same?
It’s a PITH instruction, not piss instruction. You need to correct the captions. Thanks for the captions they are helpful. After working hard on myself for many years, I am finally in the place Pema describes, really seeing what’s going on and trying to accept and allow it.. Wow! What’s next? Compassion,
Oh, woops! Thanks for pointing that out, Liz. We’re working tot correct the caption now.
Hey Liz and Travis,
Those captions have been updated. Thanks for the heads up!
Best, Hannah @ The Awake Network
The message is indeed so simple and profound, yet not easy to do. Thanks so much for this powerful reminder. i will hold it in my mind 🙂
Years ago a friend gave me a card that said, “Be gentle with yourself.” I’m still working on that. This lesson is inspirational in that regard. Thank you Pema.
Thank you!!!
Full acceptance means we will be able to work for greater understanding of ourselves and others. Seeing clearly all aspects of our being will evolve us further faster with humbled confidence and compassion.
What comes to mind is an image of myself putting a gentle are around the snarly little self with compassion and motherly care.
I love the idea that the wisdom is there in the dysfunction, and it will come to me when I allow, just allow all the things about me to be real and not suppressed. Thank you, Pema
Friendship with all parts of myself. Yes!!! that is what i want to have and be. Again I get the message.
Only by being friends with every part of my being I will be able to change what I want to change
thank you Pema.
Your embodying what you talk about is so inspiring and helpful. Much gratitude Pemaji.
Being friends with, holding lightly those parts of you (protective or hurt ones); they are only there for you believing they are keeping you safe. Sit with them, let them know your real you (Self) is there now. (IFS) Yes, the wisdom is in the dysfunction and it is not pathological, just misguided.
Yes Gloria,
IFS came to me so strongly as well in hearing Pema’s message. The work I’ve done with internal family systems has been imbued with acceptance, but it is a process for sure! Looking at all of our parts having misguided positive intentions, thanking them for their effort, and allowing the Self to take care of them is such a paradigm shift from judging the parts of ourselves that we don’t like. I love this process, as difficult as it sometimes is to sit with difficult feelings mindfully.
I’m practicing but have such a sabotaging old brain thought of your not…this…not that… be better…etc.
Intellectually I so believe your truth but I keep falling back into beating myself up. As you said it takes years so will just keep being patient. Thank you so much for your advise. I’ve read most all your books and starting on the new one welcoming the unwelcome
I appreciate the concept of an “unshakeable friendship with yourself.” How lovely! How relieving!
I agree. Unshakable acceptance and a light hearted approach to myself nearly solves all my problems. It’s incredible. It doesn’t solve so much as makes things OKAY when they are not ok.
To me this feels like opening up to the softer vulnerable side instead of the egos way of being. Thank you for this simple yet inspiring thought…
Coming from a Christian background, I offer this poem:
Softly open
Vocare Dei
Ready- Set- Yes!
Ripen, allowing
Thy will to be done
This felt very true for me personally.
What came up for me was working on allowing others who I love to be just as they are and accepting them and their feelings and habits just as they are.
Thank you so much I’ve learned so many crucial lessons and grandmother’s finger pointing from you over the years since Wisdom of No Escape. It’s wonderful to check in and see you’re still doing what you do with such patience and true generosity.
This teaching is at the heart of what I struggle with most.. I always seem to desire, and also expect to do good things in the day ahead. And yet there’s “a fly in the ointment.” I also doubt that I can, because of pushing myself too hard for flawless results, for super discipline, a brilliant idea and so on., delaying starting the day, the project i have chosen..whatever. I sabotage myself in a real way. I am curious what I would learn if I looked at what ultimately moves me past this unhelpful self- criticism and demanding voice. and take a teaching from that.
Thank you for your offering.
allow everything without judgement
Not easy to do! But, what a relief.
I am trying to live further. Thank you!
Thank you Pema! I tend to move away from feeling needy or too dependent on others. I wonder sometimes if I could allow myself to soften this.